Flash is a very important pony to me. For many reasons that I won't get into much here. This post is not to explain who he was to me. This post is to help me process finding out about his death.
First off, he's a pony that was my lesson pony for a short time eleven years ago in the fall. I fell in love with him. We were a good team. He was not a good fit for the lesson program though, so I had to stop riding him and eventually, one day, he left.
It's not a totally sad story though. Boo Boo was my next lesson pony, and I think you know how that went...So, Flash. He's my biggest, and maybe only, "What if?" in life. I fell in love with him and then wasn't allowed to ride him anymore. I haven't always wondered, but for a majority of the last eight-ish years I have thought about him and wondered what would have happened if I kept riding him?
I can see that playing out a couple of different ways. First, most simply, just as Boo Boo went from my lesson pony to my first pony, the same could have happened with Flash. Although, that leads to so many different scenarios as well. Would I have ridden bareback as much as I have? Would I be the rider that I am now? Would I be better or worse? I could go on, but there are just so many different questions that come up with this situation.
Secondly, if he stayed on as a lesson pony, maybe my instructor wouldn't want to part with him and he would not become my first pony. From here I can see it going two ways. I still end up buying Boo Boo or I don't. Maybe Boo Boo and I were destined to be together no matter what.
Don't get me wrong here. I love Boo Boo with all my heart and am so glad he's my first pony. I don't want to change that. Flash was very different to Boo Boo. He was much more high-strung. Where I can ride Boo Boo bareback on the trail with very loose reins and not paying attention and know I'll be safe, I don't know for sure, but I have a feeling I couldn't do that with Flash. Flash was shorter. He was faster. He wore a kimberwick bit. He was a lot meaner. He had a roman nose.
Since life went the way that it did and I stopped riding Flash and got Boo Boo instead, I have wondered about Flash's life. Where he's at. If he's happy. If he's alive.
I recently was talking to a girl who also used to ride him at a different stable. She told me that he had died. A grandmother had him for her grandchildren. I wanted to ask her questions but I didn't. Mostly I wanted to know if he was happy. I hope he was happy. I don't know when he died or why. I didn't even think to ask but wonder now how old he was.
I didn't let myself think too hard about Flash's death then. It wasn't until the next night that he accidentally got in my head and I really realized and it hit me that he's gone.
I fantasied about running into him one day. How much I would love it. He won't care at all. I know it's silly. There is no way this will happen now.
I know he wasn't the easiest or best pony. He was my type of pony though. He ran away from me the very first day I was told to ride him and I gave him the nickname of My Evil Little Pony. I loved him though.
I haven't seen him for eleven years. I don't really remember what it was like to ride him. I remember one of the moms telling me I looked good on him. She then said the same thing about Boo Boo in a couple of months. At this point, I'm sure the Flash in my head is completely different from the real Flash. Maybe we weren't that good together. Maybe I thought we were good together and he didn't. Maybe the love I have for him is for the pony in my head that I've made up and not at all for the real life Flash.
I knew that one day Flash would die. I honestly never thought I would know when it happened.
This isn't the best tribute to him or his memory. I'm not even sure if this has really helped me process his death. It's so hard to express your own, complex emotions in words. I don't know if I said is what I want to or need to say. But this is here now. This is a mark to prove that at least one little girl loved Jumping Jack Flash, even if he was her Evil Little Pony.
Maybe one day, somewhere, we can see how we get along.
I love you, Flash.
Rest in peace.